To move forward

You're not reflecting if you're still feeling.

I've been touched-deprived for the last several years. But it's not the actual physical connection that I need, it's the energy that comes with. 

Everything is energy, and energy is everything. It is why we exist, how we move and interact, how we think and how we evolve.

Your attention is energy, your time is energy, your desires, your thoughts and your motions. In turn, anxiety is energy. Worry. Depression.

When we give energy without receiving it back, we can feel like we're in a sort of limbo. We've given, and then we are waiting for it to be returned to us. But it may never come.

What this does to the body is keep it stuck in our sympathetic nervous system. This system is responsible for our Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn reactionary state. A state of being that isn't super comfy or healthy to be in, especially for prolonged periods of time.

I tend to gravitate toward Freeze, where procrastination sinks in and I keep pushing things off until I either can't take it anymore or something explodes. Being an empath, I also tend to go into Fawn mode, trying to ensure everyone around me is happy and taken care of while not keeping my own soul charged.

This causes me to feel even more depleted. The standard energy I put out into the world plus the additional energy I send to keep others happy begins to suck the literal life [force energy] right out of me. And getting stuck in FFFF can be tough to get out of the longer we are in it. It’s like glue. A tiny sliver of hope on the horizon, allowing a bit of a stretch, only to be tugged back into the sticky pit at a minor inconvenience.

This is a problem. So how do we evolve?

People often think that as a guide/healer/coach/instructor, that we are not supposed to have these thoughts. We are not supposed to be in FFFF. We should have the skills and knowledge to get out of the reactionary state.

This notion creates a false sense of pedestal-ing. Each person is HUMAN. Energy flows, it ebbs, it reverberates, it stops, it explodes, it grows, it vanishes. There will be times when the "strongest" healer falls. Times where the most seasoned practitioner loses momentum. Times where your own guide may need a rest.

It doesn't make them any less than, or any more than you or the next person. It makes them human as well.

We're often caught up in the waves of change or quests that we forget to notice our successes, our past insights, and we need to reflect.

The tricky part is, we cannot reflect if we're still feeling. Meaning we cannot look back and make wise decisions from a neutral standpoint. While we are still feeling something, whether is lack or fear or sadness, we are still giving energy to that very thing.

We can, however, observe. While we feel, we can notice and be aware of what might be popping up. To truly allow ourselves to go through the process of healing by feeling into it in every way, mind and body, and by soul.

Feeling it in the mind can look like your meditation of choice. Reading, walking, yoga, singing, journaling, seated meditations. Feeling it in the body can be mindful movement, connecting to sensations, touching areas of discomfort to offer support. Feeling it in the soul is tying it all together. By honoring each moment as it occurs and recognizing that while other areas may need some time, the rest will be right there to support.

Once we have done the journey of honoring those feelings, the reflection can begin. When we reflect, we can view past thoughts and actions with new eyes, more clarity, and a better understanding of what to do next.

But there’s a difference between reflection and perseverate. Perseverating can cause turmoil, feelings of what ifs or should haves. It’s similar to ruminating, but in a way that continues the cycle of ill feelings we are wanting to change.

This is why some people might be passive aggressive, or they speak poorly of others, they may still be feeling and may still be in their sympathetic nervous system. You may have heard the phrase, “hurt people hurt people.” There is a lot of truth to that statement.

People tend to react before responding. This results in quick spurts of anger, resentment, clouded judgement, and moments of negative energy.

But through experience, knowledge, and understanding, we can grow and choose to have more compassion for not only ourselves and others, but the situation itself. There are some, like me, that have the ability to comprehend the highest level of experience without having gone through it themselves; these people are simply radiating in true empathy. A challenging ability that has its wonderful uses, and also its less than ideal affects.

It is with this compassion and clarity that is the differentiator from feelings. Because compassion is to feel, but this feeling is rooted with care and benevolence. This creates energy so supportive that it actually raises your vibration and allows you to feel light, to feel held, and to feel charged.

To bring yourself back into the parasympathetic nervous system - the opposite of FFFF - choose something daily to bring you happiness, comfort, peace and joy. This could be your favorite song, person, activity or book. This will allow your body to take a moment and recharge. To bring your energy back. And to have the ability to reflect and move forward with grace.

When we are able to move through the lens of compassion, while we are in our PSNS, we can strengthen the energy that supports you through life and carries your interactions with grace.

Observe where you are, what you feel. Then feel. Only then, can we reflect, and we can move forward.

So, where do you send your energy?