Finding Inspiration When You Have a Setback

I’m no stranger to setbacks, but I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to overcome. It’s very probable that you’ll even be better off! Going through life, we all have our ups and downs. Whether that be family or work related, emotional turmoil caused by outside or internal forces, or just the luck of the draw creating a bad day.

I’m sure you’ve had those days. You wake up, and you just know it’s going to be a tough one. We’ll try to figure out a way to navigate those days together. Leave your tips or experiences below and see if it will help someone else!

Let’s start with a couple of setbacks. You’re not alone. As I’ve said, I have had my fair share. I’ve been living on my own and working since age 16. Needless to say, that was rough and threw a lot of hurdles my way as I tried to grow up fast and figure out a way to survive when you can’t do much at that age. There were multiple times where I didn’t have a true home and I always felt terrified of not knowing what would happen or not knowing if I’d ever be able to make a better life for myself.

Eventually I was able to get my own apartment at 18, and started a relationship with someone I’ve had eyes on for a long time. Like any relationship, there were rough patches. It was one of those on-again-off-again things. And finally one day, I read a book, Women Who Love Too Much, and it changed my world. My attitude towards that relationship shifted from what am I going to do without him to we don’t need to go through this anymore. It was a true awakening. My grandmother and mom would always say, “you’ll know when you’ve had enough” and I never understood or believed that. Until I read that darn, wonderful book. I immediately felt a huge amount of release as I was beginning to accept and get ready for this new shift. I was no longer frightened of losing that person and that relationship because I knew it was best for both of us. Once the relationship was called off, I spent the rest of my time in my apartment alone. Living day-to-day.

Fast-forward a couple of years and I met a new guy, and moved to my current city. It all happened so fast but it felt so right. Unfortunately, it turned out to be another flop and I was very quickly forced to move out. Not knowing anyone in this town, it was a struggle. Luckily I had made a good friend at my new job and she let me move in until I could find a place.

That job ended, and the friend moved away, and then I found a new job that I poured my heart into for years and one day the new managers decided I was no longer needed. This was a huge setback in my career, my emotions, and my sanity. I finally felt like I had a home and was surviving on my own in a new city and then BAM. Nope.

I won’t lie, during all of these challenges in my life I wanted to give up. I didn’t know what that meant exactly, but I knew that I couldn’t. It wasn’t an option. It’s not in my blood to fail. Because I’m afraid of failure! And that pushed me to keep trying. I started to finally focus on me for once. What did I truly want? What did I really need? Where do I belong? Once I finally put myself first, I was able to see clearly and let go of all of those things that tried to stop me. They were actually holding me back and now that I’ve learned how to let go of things that don’t serve me, make me happy, I feel more confident in my decisions whether someone else likes them or not. This is my life, and I should have it exactly how I want it.

Now I have a career, a new endeavor with yoga, and I’m starting to feel like I can breathe again. That hasn’t happened in over 25 years… But just because I’ve had these recent successes doesn’t mean I never encounter setbacks. I still have them all the time. It’s fairly impossible to go through life without a setback. The ones I’ve listed above are just a few that I feel comfortable sharing. The others, while worse, are nothing I want to disclose at the moment.

But know that even though you run into a roadblock, a disastrous relationship, career flop, emotional trauma or other horrible circumstance, that you are not alone and there are tools to help you.

It took a lot for me to seek out help when I was going through certain childhood traumas, and unfortunately it is something that isn’t resolved today. It may never be. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to let it control me anymore, and that first step has helped make it possible to focus on the here and now.

So ask yourself, what do YOU need? What do you want? And then find out how you can get there. Begin with research, create a plan of action, and then GO after it.

I know self-help books have a bad rep, but honestly that it where I gained so much insight on how I needed to handle things. It just made me realize that I wasn’t experiencing these types of things alone, and it helped me recognize certain things about about myself. Once I found the pattern I was able to slowly step back and try to maneuver my path in a different direction that had only MY best interest.

Find your outlet, but don’t let it be a crutch. Music, video games and movies were a huge help to me. But I quickly realized that they were more of a distraction. Then once I tried to ween myself off of that crutch, I felt worse. Find something that allows you to still feel, but gives you the peace to be okay with it. Yoga is a great tool as it helps you be present. Your mind may drift back to those setbacks or bad encounters, but you’ll be constantly guided to focus back on the here and now. Enabling you to be stronger. Touching briefly on any negative feelings that our brain goes to automatically, but rescued by the power of connection, focus and presence.

Find others who you feel connected to, drawn to like sunshine, and let their energy fill you will comfort and strength. Perhaps find someone who has gone through similar things, and if you’re comfortable talking about it you can help each other heal. It’s difficult to find support groups, at least in this area when I’ve tried, but don’t give up. The wide web is a great place to meet new friends, too. :)

One of the biggest helps to me are self-help/self-improvement books. Yes, lately they all seem to rattle off the same things, but they do have good REMINDERS. I don’t know about you, but I need to be reminded sometimes that I am worth it. That I am strong and capable. And that I deserve the life I want, a life of happiness. Find an author that speaks to you, a book that challenges you, but most importantly, a book that let’s you see the real you that you want to be.

Starting over is hard. But it isn’t always a bad thing.

The whole point of my [probably boring] story is that no matter what, DON’T GIVE UP. Find another route. Keep going. That will be what saves you from a setback. Just. Keep. Fucking. Going.

Big or small, no setback is fun. Big or small, no setback can’t be overcome.

This can be difficult to talk about. That’s why I’ve left out some of the more traumatic experiences for now, and that’s okay. Feel free to share to your comfort level. Let others know that they’re not alone. Share any tips on how you like to push through barriers!

In light and love, Namaste.