How Do You Compare?

It’s simple. You don’t! You are unique, I am unique, everyone is their own wonderful level of uniqueness. That’s not to say there aren’t similarities, sure there are, but to compare is to set yourself up for failure.

It is only natural, automatic, to notice something about someone. Whether that be their hair, their smile, cute clothes, attitude or the way they carry themselves. At times it is just a passing thought. Others, you wonder why you don’t have long, luscious hair or pearly white teeth, or the confidence that they seem to have effortlessly.

When we think this way, it is reflecting something within ourselves that we haven’t acknowledged or healed. It could be an insecurity, a past experience still meddling in your thoughts or just a random negative comment that you tell yourself. You think you’re lacking something because someone else has it. But don’t confuse jealousy with envy.

Jealousy often means that you are afraid of losing something or someone. Whereas envy is more subtle (or not!) as it tends to show us that we need to explore more about the thing that is making us feel that way. For example, I have MANY interests besides yoga. I feel I would be a great investigator or crime scene detective and when I heard that a mutual friend was enrolling in schooling for that industry, my blood boiled! It takes a lot of patience, awareness and courage to stop in the moment and realize why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. For me, I knew that I was holding myself back from exploring that career and it was upsetting to see someone else go after their dream when I was too afraid to. By acknowledging this harsh level of judgement, I was able to shift my energy into love and kindness and say, heck yea girl, you fucking for it. Will I always be disappointed in myself for not following that passion? No. Will I always be upset when I see that person living the life I wanted? No. What I will do is always acknowledge that I would make a kickass investigator and let that drive me towards other passions. No one thing is meant for you. There are oodles of experiences that are laid in your path and it’s okay if you don’t reach them all in this lifetime. Set that jealousy, that hatred and fear aside and let yourself live!

I’m sure at one point or another we’ve all felt or experienced both jealousy and envy. To be envious isn’t always a bad thing, either! It helps direct your attention to what you need to focus on or explore further. It’s only human to want a better life, a healthier mind or capable body that carries you to each year. When that goal of attaining your higher self is lost is when things get sticky and can cause a whirlwind of other emotions and feelings of failure, disappointment, unworthiness and fear.

Comparing yourself to another person is almost guaranteed to stir up trouble. I get it, it sucks thinking you’re less than someone or that you have less than someone. Especially if you feel that person is either taking it for granted or not worthy enough for it. But you are not the one who determines someone’s worth or happiness, except your own. Great news! That means that at any point in time that you’re unhappy or wanting a change in scenery, lifestyle or career that it is up to you to make it. You deserve, and every one else deserves, to be happy. Maybe that looks different to everyone, which is normal.

Of course others will have access to things you do not, but that doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of the same things or that you are any lesser of a human than they are. In fact, it means the opposite. The fact that both of you are living, breathing here today shows that you are the same. Able to trek through this roller coaster of a life. Social media and movies make it so damn difficult to avoid comparing yourself to others. But remember, that is a special lens that is put in place. It will challenge you, discourage you, abuse you, make you fearful or unmotivated. That special lens isn’t reality. Everyone has a struggle. Everyone has a story. And everyone is deserving of happiness and peace. Make it a goal to remind yourself of that daily.

I understand wholeheartedly that it can be depressing to feel like you’re lacking in life. Growing up, our family was poor and still is. Starting my yoga business isn’t helping that situation, but it means that I have gained something in my life that I worked hard for, that I pushed my negative thoughts aside in order to keep going and that possibly one of these articles will help someone experiencing similar things and know that it is okay to feel this way, it’s normal, and that there are opportunities to create the life you want. It means that I didn’t let the comparison of my larger body, my European forehead and nose, my introvert personality get in the way. Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t let anyone else tell you that you are nothing or that you don’t deserve something. You deserve happy. Whatever that looks like for YOU.

Any excuse we give ourselves needs to be hushed. Any and all negative talk about ourselves needs to be thrown in the trash. You are a QUEEN. Start acting like one.

Next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to another person, pause, and just admire them. Notice their beauty, their nice smile, their bubbly personality or their killer curves. Appreciate their individuality and expression and know that you have your own! It’s easy to forget identity or ignore the mirror. But you know what? You, too, have a great smile. A wonderful heart. A perfect body. And you are just as beautiful as they are.

Now show them that you believe that, show yourself and walk through life like you own it.