My journey into yoga, Body positivity & mental health
Today, I’m diving deep into yoga stereotypes, my own personal experiences and mental health.*This post may be very difficult to read. Please proceed with caution, and take breaks if needed.*☽◯☾
You may look at me and think, she can’t be a yoga instructor, she’s too fat. Or, she’s not super flexible and bendy and she can’t even do this pose, who is she to teach this class?
We’ve all seen the ads. The Instagram photos and YouTube videos. The other yogis and teachers at the studio. There’s a tiny, toned, beautiful woman in a cropped bra, itty bitty shorts and a great smile staring back at you, silently promising that if you do this yoga or workout class, that you could also look like that. She can touch her toes. She can hop into a wheel pose and a handstand and not even even break a sweat. This woman can lead an entire army of ladies and gentleman with just her looks alone and no one would even question it.
Unfortunately, that isn’t realistic for a lot of us, for many different reasons. I shouldn’t say unfortunately, because we are all beautiful and don’t NEED to look like that. But, you’ve been there, right? Feeling less apt, not as pretty, and not as fit. Like you’re doing something wrong or providing the world a disservice just because of the way you look. This feeling is all too common, and something I wish we could change. Feeling like a fraud is no way to go about life.
As women, we are often immediately stereotyped based on our looks. If we don’t smile, we’re told we have RBF (resting bitch face, for those of you that need to Google today’s terms like me!🤣) If our booty doesn’t stick out just right, we are unworthy of a good man. If our waist doesn’t cinch, we are obese. If we’re pretty, we must be stupid. I could go on and on… but you get the drill.
We are expected to be more than what we are, or what we strive to be.
Well, I’m here to tell you that you are amazing, you are just as capable. And I CAN be a phenomenal yoga instructor despite my size and mobility limitations due to health issues. If you’re wondering how we can push through this unfair, undeserved stereotype, keep reading. Grab some tissues, some wine, whatever you need. Meet me with an open mind and open heart, and let’s get into this.
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Well, here goes. This is no easy topic of discussion for many of us. I can attest to multiple accounts of feeling unhappy with my body, my yoga practice and all of the thoughts that run through my head. Hearing negative or downright hurtful comments from people is not something that many of us can brush off. They’re everywhere. Evil people with their own agendas, trying to tear others down. But that’s just what they are doing, using their words for their own agenda. We tend to forget that sometimes.
When someone is feeling down, they will lash out, make mean comments, or do something out of character. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of downright jerks out there! Those jerks don’t need a reason to tear someone apart. But, we must learn to ignore those hateful comments, and continue to work on ourselves to be the best we can be. Whatever your goals are, reach them. It’s the greatest comeback.
Now, let’s go over my experience. If you relate, leave a comment down below and tell how you overcame that, or if you’re still going thorough it, let us be there for you!
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HISTORY
Throughout my childhood and teenaged years, I didn’t care about my looks. Correction, I didn’t have the money to care about my looks. Showering can only do so much for an adolescent. I didn’t have the fancy hair tools. Dry shampoo wasn’t really a thing. My clothes were torn and old. It wasn’t pretty. I did what I could with what I had, which wasn’t much.
Luckily, I could eat anything I wanted as often as I wanted and wouldn’t gain weight. But, literally (okay, not literally) the day after I graduated it’s like my metabolism stopped. The weight was coming on and comin’ fast. I wasn’t an active person in school by any means, so I didn’t understand why it was happening. Now that I’m approaching….. ugh, 30… I have been inching my way in and out of my heaviest weight.
This brought on a lot of emotion issues, constantly seeking affirmations (my love language, take the quiz here!) and draining my energy. I felt more isolated, more cast out from society, and just worthless. I still have those feelings from time to time, but I try really hard to steer my thoughts in a positive direction. Easier said than done, right?
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Yoga
At a young age, I found my mother doing Sun Salutations. I thought it looked like so much fun, so I decided to join her. Quickly, I discovered that it was real work and not play time, and just started doing my own thing next to year. As the days went by, I started to pick up on things here and there, and began to start doing that shit for real. I loved how it felt so fluid, like beautiful dance connecting me to something greater.
Backtracking, my Life Card is the Chariot. This means that I am constantly wandering, in search of something. That couldn’t be more accurate.
As an adult, I continued my yoga journey and quest for something higher. I am not religious, but I do believe in reaching a sense of enlightenment. I am fascinated with Buddhist principles, mythology, spirituality, and all that hippie shit. Yoga was a branch, connecting me to these things that intrigued me. I also quickly found out that by doing yoga, my weight began to “even out” throughout my body (yea, it’s a thing!) and so I pursued my 200 hour yoga teacher training.
I researched for years the best place to do this. I knew I wanted to do it in India, to be around the roots of the entire thing. But, money honey. So, I looked around my area and decided to go through the studio that I volunteered for. I struggled with this decision to do training, as I felt I wasn’t “good enough” to be a teacher. I wasn’t the prettiest, the fittest, the strongest, and I had just gotten a breast augmentation the prior year and hadn’t been cleared to workout yet. I was still finding out what was painful in my body or just weird in my movements. My strength was severely impacted, as in the beginning I was on bedrest for several weeks, following months of not being able to spread or lift my arms or pick anything up. Having altered my body really took a mental toll on how I felt about becoming a yoga teacher. I, and many others, view a yogi as a genuine, free and collected individual, and someone who changed something about themselves doesn’t fall under that technicality. But, I did it anyway. And I’m glad I did.
My training experience came into battle with the COVID pandemic, and obviously things weren’t ideal. Nevertheless, I stuck it out and completed my training. I still struggled mentally, constantly going back and forth about my worth. I felt as though all of those things I felt about myself wouldn’t be “yoga material.” Seeing all of the more capable students in my training sometimes had me feeling a little down. But I made a few great connections and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Then, throughout my teaching experience, I have still encountered setbacks. I’ve grown so much, but yet I do feel as though I am still being stereotyped. I lead phenomenal classes and receive incredible feedback, yet when I try to advance and put myself out there, I get the runaround. Subtle whispers about my body type, the lower back issues and comparison to the 19 year old with a tight ass that still has a baby’s bone structure and can twist her body into liquid.
Well, that’s not me anymore. My ass is voluptuous, my attitude is strong, and I know what I want. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on anything that doesn’t serve me. After all, that’s what yoga reminds us to do often.
Even though I don’t have the fittest body, and I may not be able to hold my thick self up on my fingertips (yet), it doesn’t mean I can’t teach you how to. A great instructor leads, assists, and helps their students achieve their dreams however possible. Precise cuing, knowledge, trust and practice is what will get you to your goals. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you aren’t enough, that you’re less capable. Show them, show yourself, that you can do anything.
A yoga teacher who is honest with you and themselves, is someone who I want in my practice, and someone I strive to be for you.
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Mental health
Throughout all of these hurdles, I’ve learned that my own opinion is what matters. Unfortunately, you can’t always count on everything being there to support you. You have to pick yourself up, dust off and try again (anyone else singing?) and just ignore the haters, the naysayers, and just go after your damn dreams. You’ll bump into genuine people along the way, and you’ll encounter those who are trying everything they can to keep you where you are. Don’t let them.
We all wish we were mentally sane and stable all the time. But, that isn’t the case and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay to let your feelings come, decipher them without letting them rule you, and make the choice to do better, to be better.
Again, easier said than done. But remember, your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. Common feelings of depression and anxiety and arise if we let all of this bother us. This not only relates to yoga, but in your every day life. At work, school, home. At the gym or in the grocery store. It causes us to compare ourselves to others, to strive to be something unrealistic for our bodies and minds, and increases our emotional instability. It’s time we take back what is ours and make THAT what people want to believe in. Not these images and personas of something, or someone, else.
Namaste
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JOin the discussion
How have you been judged or stereotyped?
How did you get past it?
What feelings do you go through?
Have you ever stopped yourself from reaching your goal or dream because you thought you weren’t capable?
Leave a comment below, let’s support each other.
